I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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