when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
