if i can run in heels then i can drive
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
