I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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