just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My feet surprised me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
