I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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