I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
