my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
