Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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