Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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