i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
