Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So many bounce houses so little time
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
