I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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