he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
