no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
