STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
