I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
