I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
