i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
