Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
