I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
