I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
