You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
