Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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