I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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