turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
