found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
