it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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