i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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