giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize