My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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