do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
