Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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