i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize