Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize