I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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