problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
