A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it because I queefed?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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