I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
