I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
