Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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