Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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