I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize