Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
