i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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