Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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