Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
