Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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