Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
