and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
