Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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