after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
