he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
