I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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