It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
