Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dignity is for republicans.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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