I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
