dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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