you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
