I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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