Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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