He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
