Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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