It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
