I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
