dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
