Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
